i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
