youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
