ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
