Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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