Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
