Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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