I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Your penis caused this!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
