I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I want a musical about memes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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