This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
