i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
