Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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