I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
