I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I forget how to act sober
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
