u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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