i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
