My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
