I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize