I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
