All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
