I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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