I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
