i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
