I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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