How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
