community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
