I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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