I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
