i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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