Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
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Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
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Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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