This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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