I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
