I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
