I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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