it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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