My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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