I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
