My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
