I think im going to throw up on grandma
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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