I'm jealous of your bromance
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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