Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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