it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
