good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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