glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't turn off my feet"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
