this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
