i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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