He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
