hotel room ftw
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
