you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
