remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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