I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
