It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize