If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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