I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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