possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
