White coat. Heels.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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