I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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