Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
