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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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