haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's a Shit stain on my heart
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
