I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize