put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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