in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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