my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
